The "Who blew the wind?" Phenomenon

[Paul Levy]

A perspective on personal conflict

The "Who blew the wind?" phenomenon crops up often in inter-personal conflict situations where both parties are convinced that the other party "started it" and that all they are now doing is reacting innocently to an attack. It often crops up in de-briefs from impro'd organisational theatre work exploring conflict.

Over time the audit trail back to the original trigger (which may also be in their heads rather an any explicit deed) becomes murky and confused until the history of the conflict actually disappears into the darkness of "pre-history". The "history" is the obvious chain of events. The "pre-history" are the more remote events that preceded the history, often open to much interpretation and lost in a fuzzy past.

Both parties demand acknowledgement from the other that "they started it" and this of course becomes impossible. Talking through the history becomes a kind of archaeological dig into the prehistory of the conflict and only bare clues can be found, with the whole picture lost to the past. Only bare artifacts remain, selectively brought out to "prove" that this or that was true in the past.

So the conflict continues as both parties blame the other for "blowing the wind first".

The only way out of this situation is for both sides to realise that the history has become a confusing and unclear prehistory and that the original "sin" can no longer be traced, or laid upon either party with any certainty.

Someone may indeed have "started it" but both parties are certainly "continuing it"!

The key is for the parties to realise that the present certainly can be seen and changed. We can stop "continuing it" but to do that we have to let go of the idea that there has to be an "owning up" to the first cause, that one person is guilty of blowing the wind that caused this storm!

[Anne Pensalfini]

How do you help people let go of the idea that there has to be an "owning up" to the first cause?

[Karen Dawson]

And more now from Gary Harper, who also asks, in any sort of conflict situation (or perceived conflict situation) "At what point did the knife first go in?"

I love that question.

[Karen Dawson]

My good friend Gary Harper says "in any conflict, both parties think they got hit first." Oh yes indeed.